I decided to write this blog about what true friendship is to me. As I sit here to write this, I have a hard time. There are some people in my life that are not truly adding value to me as a person. That is the one thing I always strive for when I have people around me. When I say 'add value' this could be as simple as a phone call, a smile, anything that adds to me as a person, if someone rags on me or brings me down- that is not a friend.
With that being said its often hard to let people go who aren't adding value to me. It is hard that no matter how hard you try to keep a friendship going- sometimes things just dissipate and just can't be saved, I supposed. Is this person just too lazy to call? Am I not as 'cool' as their other friends? Have we truly grown apart? Honestly, I have no idea. The thing that makes the most upset is that I have done out of my way to call- and try to see this person and invite them to everything I am doing. Then when it comes down to their turn- I get blown off.
I have always been the type of person to need closure. I can' t just up and not talk to someone ever again- even if I have drifted like most people do. I always try to continue something, try to call, text; do something to show that I am still here. But should I stop doing this? Should I ride this person off as they have clearly done to me?
I suppose it boils down to the fact of when do I stop trying to call. When should I throw in the towel and say "well I tried here and here and I got nothing." It is so hard to just turn my back on someone- after knowing them for such a long time. It's such a bad situation and I just wish people could know the value of effort.
So far what I have done, is slowly shut people out of my life. I confide in other people now, I call other people, and go out with other people. I don't tell them what is doing on my life. Which honestly eats up me. Because all I want is to be able to truly talk to them about EVERYTHING- good and bad in my life. But when I want to tell them something- I am reminded by the facts.
So I suppose the challenge is now, to decide. Where do we-as friends-or I go from here?
Saturday, February 07, 2009
Posted by Amanda at 10:54 AM