Sunday, July 31, 2005

There's really no way to reach me....

...cuz i'm already gone. That's how i feel...I feel soo over everything. I am ready for something new, exciting aka school. I'm tired of trying to get back in touch with ISU friends, just get me there and we can pick up where we were. I'm done with talking with my boyfriend on the phone its so blaise. I'm done trying to make an effort with Colorado friends. The summer is over...... I'm just urg in a weird funk. I think it might be the shock that i'm actually going back, i donno. I feel like i'm going through motions lately. It's sad but i think going back to school will change it. Its not that i'm depressed or sad or anything like that. Its just like i'm living but not really LIVING. Kinda sad eh? But i can just wait 5 days for that to change ( or so i hope)...anyway..
bedtime..i'm getting my hair cut tomorrow and its my parent's company picnic..yeppie....

Thursday, July 28, 2005

we do it in the rain its right without reason....

lol...really the lyric goes...' I do it on a whim, its right without reason whatever comes to mind I'll pull it from thin air. I've learned to improvise to fill my time I don't want to live this life, no I don't want to live this life without reason. ' --- the fray--- ohh chris is too funny with his made up lyrics...
Anyway...i had the most fun ever this past weekend: skinny dipping, getting sloshed with high school friends, going to THE FRAY concert (if you want to make me mad tell me that you don't like them...bc i will fight you!). It was soo much fun, but at the same time i realized i'm ready to go back to ames! Its like when you get to the end of a relationship and your just like 'eh this is soo over' its alright still but i'm just like welp i've had my fun..i'm done! lol
I have soo much to do before going back...i've started making lists...and ya know that can never be good. My mind is just like going a million miles a minute (maybe that's why i over slept this morning for work!! oops!!).
I like life right now is just kinda there...nothing new, nothing exciting..and maybe that' s why i'm so excited for the busy, fast paced, drama of school. Granted i don't like drama but you know fun new gossip is keeps life interesting. I feel like its just the same old same old here in Colorado. So what are we gonna do this just blah! I think a lot of people are feeling this way...a season (summer) is coming to a close and we're all ready to jump off. ok well even on this stupid blog i have nothing to say bc there is nothing!! ohh i'm getting my hair cut sunday..whoa whoa big news i know! I cannot believe next week at this time i will be finishing packing my stuff and leaving the next morning. God i have a shit load to do... urg well time to go call the BF....
"When you close your eyes You hear the music playing You can see her dancing underneath the spotlight And when she sleeps she dreams she’s back in Hollywood When she was a younger girl – a pretty heart in a tainted world Not sure who you wanna be Your daddy’s little drama queen I hope that when you find yourself You’re more than just a baby doll " i'm all about the music!

Monday, July 18, 2005

yet another week rolls on....

I never knew I never knew that everything was falling through That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue To turn and run when all I needed was the truth But that's how it's got to be It's coming down to nothing more than apathy I'd rather run the other way than stay and see The smoke and who's still standing when it clears Everyone knows I'm in Over my head With eight seconds left in overtime She's on your mind ~~~The Fray, Cable Car

I seriously think i could listen to this song over and over. There is something about it that i hear something different everytime i listen to it. Honestly on the way to work i hear it and i blast it and just start singing. I don't care what the people in the other cars think. I always worry about that because one time with the girls we saw this woman rocking out to 'Brown Eyed Girl', and basically she looked like an idiot. And who honestly wants to be the person that people make fun for singing in the car. lol anyway...i diverge (in honor of Mr. Bilello) ohh i'm so funny!
So i had such an uneventful weekend, as my boyfriend so kindly called me a loser, i kinda felt like that, but at the same time I'm like hey...i will be around people 24/7 when i get back to school with no alone time. I need my alone/thinking time now! As i think about all of the things i was planning on doing this summer and now actually looking back, i'm so sad. I haven't seen half of the people i was planning on, i haven't done half the things i was planning on. It sucks in way but really when would i have had time? Working 5 days a week kills ya, and it makes me sad to think i can count on 1 hand the number of times i've seen the guys or people other then Megan and Deidre (altho i love them).
Ok so at work Deidre and I pass time by asking each other, would you rather questions or just the most morbid questions you could come up with. We're pretty ridiculous but it passes the time. For example, if you died tomorrow what would you regret the most doing and not doing?? or has there been a time in your life when you woke up one day and your life completely changed? on a lighter note...would you rather be stapled or paper cut constantly? yes we are insane but honestly its got me thinking about random shit, and i've been having the craziest dreams because of it!! lol In case you're wondering, ...I honestly would like to say that there is nothing i regret doing in my life. I've always tried to live with no excuses, stick to my gut. It's so hard, because at times i actually do think what if...what if i would have said yes to this date, what if i wouldn't have told that guy i liked him. Its weird to think about stuff about that mean where would i be if I wouldn't have been rejected by Kyle Beard in 8th grade when i asked him to dance, for those of you who know him, i know it was a stupid crush lol, but honestly i was devistated!!! lol But looking back on it so many little things could change you life in ridiculous ways. So i guess what i've learned is do things deliberately and don't look back. It's definitely hard! I mean one choice can change who you hang out with, how you spend you life ...etc ...especially when I had to choose which sorority i wanted to join. It was the toughest decision...ohh man...but i was like ok i'm gonna put down Gamma Phi, i did then as i put it down something just was holding me back, i have NO CLUE what it was but its like your gut, your conscience and it just told me that if i didn't choose Sigma Kappa i knew i would be missing out on something. I have yet to figure out what that something is, maybe I am supposed to be there to meet the girls, to help recruit, to build the house. Who knows? I wish i did, because i feel like i am the one chosen to pick up the house and carry it. Its an awful lot to think about but at the same time its something that might be my challenge. That's why i'm looking forward to the next school year and recruitment, to see where i can take myself. It sucks because right now i'm battling myself to become the person i know i can be. Something has changed in college, might be the accessive alcohol lol, the people i'm around, the environment...i donno...but i like who i've become although i wish i could learn to balance it better!! lol ohh man so much to think about, i better shape up in the next few weeks! ha ha
wow ok so that was the longest freakin blog ever...and i rambled and rambled i mean who knew i did that?! lol i guess now you could explain how i have 1500 cell minutes and i STILL went over! oops! eh whatever..those were important convos!
i'm done! ....for now... lol

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

back to a normal week....

All i have to say is that i officially hate after not even a year my hard drive on my computer completely died! Seriously how the hell does that even happen? I lost all my pictures, music, urghhh just my LIFE!! ok i know i am being a little over dramatic but it really pisses me off bc i don't want to spend the rest of my summer redoing my computer!
Anyway...other then that everything is just rolling along. After two very busy weekends i am finally back to normal and back to working at Belmar-the children's hour- on weekends. Last weekend was so much fun because Jill came out from Illinois. We went to a drive-in movie..those are always fun especially when its nice out. We saw War of the Worlds and Mr. and Mrs. Smith. All i have to say is save your money and don't go see War of the Worlds! I am definitely not one of the harshes critics on movies, but seriously it was soooo corny!! Hearing Dakota Fanning scream every 2 seconds got annoying and the ending was the worst thing i've ever seen. You'd expect somethign from Steven Spielberg and Tom Cruise to be better... On the other hand I expected the worst from Mr. and Mrs. Smith and surprisingly it was good. I hate that Brad Pitt is with Angelina bc she is (just as this 40 year old guy at work calls her) a whore. Eww..she's just gross. But it was actually an interesting movie and there was a really interesting twist. Anyway...Saturday Jill and I met D and Megan for lunch @ 16th street mall in denver then jill and i shopped around. It was fun just to people watch...and this woman on the mall ride comes up to Jill and I and asks for money. Of course both of us are like no sorry we don't have any, then this woman goes ohh ya sure you don't! I know you have some you just don't want to give any to me. You watch out someday you will be in need of money and someone won't give it to you. You watch...someday.... Ya it creeped us out! We were like wow seriously sorry we don't give money to random people on the mall i guess if I find myself poor with no money i know who to thank, she probably put a hex on us or something! lol So then Saturday night I had a party at my house, yes my parents are becoming 'the cool' parents. It was fun just to drink with the girls and play power hour and just get crunked, but it was a real buzz kill when our ass of friends didn't show up and didn't call us to tell us. Needless to say the crazy drunks in all of us came out...we called Tim probably 20 times and left messages of us screaming/singing songs on his message machine we know he hates...we think we're pretty funny!! So watch out if you ever piss us off you might just get to listen to us sing songs for 5 minutes.
anyway.....i must go..i'm re-reading the book 7 habits of highly effective teens. Well it helped in High school, so hopefully it will help in college. I need to get my priorities back in gear, while still having fun. Plus, its just a nice read to make you feel good about yourself, learn more about yourself, and learn different ways you can change your life for the better. Always a good thing!
Only 3 weeks of summer time sure does fly!!

Thursday, July 07, 2005

It's Great Britain- it's not called 'Great' for nothing

I got this title from an article i was reading about the bombings in London. It is soo sad to hear about what has happened over there. Reading the articles and thinking about what it must have been like brings tears to my eyes. Those poor people were just going to another normal day of work and because some stupid people decided to play God today their lives and people around them live's have completely changed. No longer is any where safe....and it's a scary thought. Back when war was war, there was a battlefield. Now it seems to some, anywhere is fair game: buses, subways, office buildings, trains. Honestly who believes that these bombings are accomplishing anything. It is soo confusing to me how the Islamic terrorists can actually go about killing innocent people; on purpose! How can they live with themselves? This to me just reaffirms why we are fighting terrorism in Iraq, Afgahnastan...everywhere. We cannot let them continue doing this to civilians, and we need to start at the breeding grounds to change them. Back 60 some years ago, there were concentration cames and the extermination of millions of Jews. We thought then (and still now) that that is the worst possible thing imaginable that humans could do to each other. But now look at it...everywhere is a battle field. I am scared to think about what it will be like for my children and what kind of things they will have to endure. Where will the terrorist go next? Homes, schools....ahh its just soo scary to think about.
wow...i feel much more clam now that that's out of my system..phew!!

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

fireworks all weekend long!

so....i had probably one of the best weekends ever. My wonderful boyfriend came out! He is the sweetest bc. he brought me yellow roses (my fav) when he came to work. Honestly...i was expecting the worst, i know that sounds bad but i always anticipate too much. It's hard to go from seeing someone everyday to not seeing someone for 2 months! It was just like we had never left eachother. I feel like he is my best friend but at the same time i like him. I've never really felt like this its amazing! Its really weird because i never realized that i needed to find someone who was the opposite of me.....i freak out about little stupid stuff and he is totally calm and chill. I just realized this weekend how we completement eachother like that!
We went camping in Buena Vista with my friends from high school, drank a lot, went hiking ( you can tell from the picture how we felt about the hike!! lol) , went to the hot springs, a foam party, a bbq, and watched fireworks. It was tons-o-fun!! It is just nice to finally be in a stage of my life where i have a serious, no drama and mature relationship! When i was younger i always thought ohh i have this huge crush on a guy ohh i will never feel like this ever about a boy. and now i'm like it doesn't have to be like that at all. I have been scared of getting into a relationship with him because i've always been the type to crush hard, then loose it fast. But luckily its not like that at all...and i am soo happy :)
And well i am off to another week of work, watching TV, and being lazy..but Jill comes out this weekend! woop woop it should be fun!
i'm out for now!

shabby cheek