Monday, July 18, 2005

yet another week rolls on....

I never knew I never knew that everything was falling through That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue To turn and run when all I needed was the truth But that's how it's got to be It's coming down to nothing more than apathy I'd rather run the other way than stay and see The smoke and who's still standing when it clears Everyone knows I'm in Over my head With eight seconds left in overtime She's on your mind ~~~The Fray, Cable Car

I seriously think i could listen to this song over and over. There is something about it that i hear something different everytime i listen to it. Honestly on the way to work i hear it and i blast it and just start singing. I don't care what the people in the other cars think. I always worry about that because one time with the girls we saw this woman rocking out to 'Brown Eyed Girl', and basically she looked like an idiot. And who honestly wants to be the person that people make fun for singing in the car. lol anyway...i diverge (in honor of Mr. Bilello) ohh i'm so funny!
So i had such an uneventful weekend, as my boyfriend so kindly called me a loser, i kinda felt like that, but at the same time I'm like hey...i will be around people 24/7 when i get back to school with no alone time. I need my alone/thinking time now! As i think about all of the things i was planning on doing this summer and now actually looking back, i'm so sad. I haven't seen half of the people i was planning on, i haven't done half the things i was planning on. It sucks in way but really when would i have had time? Working 5 days a week kills ya, and it makes me sad to think i can count on 1 hand the number of times i've seen the guys or people other then Megan and Deidre (altho i love them).
Ok so at work Deidre and I pass time by asking each other, would you rather questions or just the most morbid questions you could come up with. We're pretty ridiculous but it passes the time. For example, if you died tomorrow what would you regret the most doing and not doing?? or has there been a time in your life when you woke up one day and your life completely changed? on a lighter note...would you rather be stapled or paper cut constantly? yes we are insane but honestly its got me thinking about random shit, and i've been having the craziest dreams because of it!! lol In case you're wondering, ...I honestly would like to say that there is nothing i regret doing in my life. I've always tried to live with no excuses, stick to my gut. It's so hard, because at times i actually do think what if...what if i would have said yes to this date, what if i wouldn't have told that guy i liked him. Its weird to think about stuff about that mean where would i be if I wouldn't have been rejected by Kyle Beard in 8th grade when i asked him to dance, for those of you who know him, i know it was a stupid crush lol, but honestly i was devistated!!! lol But looking back on it so many little things could change you life in ridiculous ways. So i guess what i've learned is do things deliberately and don't look back. It's definitely hard! I mean one choice can change who you hang out with, how you spend you life ...etc ...especially when I had to choose which sorority i wanted to join. It was the toughest decision...ohh man...but i was like ok i'm gonna put down Gamma Phi, i did then as i put it down something just was holding me back, i have NO CLUE what it was but its like your gut, your conscience and it just told me that if i didn't choose Sigma Kappa i knew i would be missing out on something. I have yet to figure out what that something is, maybe I am supposed to be there to meet the girls, to help recruit, to build the house. Who knows? I wish i did, because i feel like i am the one chosen to pick up the house and carry it. Its an awful lot to think about but at the same time its something that might be my challenge. That's why i'm looking forward to the next school year and recruitment, to see where i can take myself. It sucks because right now i'm battling myself to become the person i know i can be. Something has changed in college, might be the accessive alcohol lol, the people i'm around, the environment...i donno...but i like who i've become although i wish i could learn to balance it better!! lol ohh man so much to think about, i better shape up in the next few weeks! ha ha
wow ok so that was the longest freakin blog ever...and i rambled and rambled i mean who knew i did that?! lol i guess now you could explain how i have 1500 cell minutes and i STILL went over! oops! eh whatever..those were important convos!
i'm done! ....for now... lol


shabby cheek